Dillon Sinclair-Snodgrass caused a momentary spike of interest around the bar when he asked what would be a good age to die. He made the request more specific when he was told, ‘right now would be a good time for you’. ‘Not me,’ he said. ‘I was wondering what age would you would pick if you had to choose an age to die.’ As usual, any topic that did not involve killing animals, complaining about in-comers or settling payment for jobs done - in ways the taxman would never fa

Squirty Tinkerscut woke up with a clanger of a hangover from a week-long celebration of Britain’s exit from the EU. He could not remember which side he had supported but, after a quick look at the person in the vomit-covered Batman costume sleeping next to him on the floor, decided it made no difference. Everyone was now in the same shit, no matter what they voted for. After a week of blaming everyone else for the Referendum result, the whole of England has reached the point

Academy schools are not required to publish information about their activities. Our requests were turned down when we asked for an...

Heinrich Shitzenfield told the disinterested drinkers in the pub of the growing hostility towards him in the village after the vote to...

Our intrepid reporter Teagan Short gathers more insider information at The Fred Best Academy A-Go-Go as Sebastian Fuchs settles in for...

Didimus Fartinwell raised his voice in the pub last night to condemn the head of Oxford University for rejecting the Prime Minister's proposals about schools and universities. The lady he berated wasn’t with us at the time. She is not from around here. Noah Sticks defended the Oxford boss against the Prime Minister. His insistence on calling the PM, Tessie, provoked Didimus into his rant. Loud passionate words are not welcome to a group of men quietly contemplating their pint

Catherina Fitzoverya was visiting for a few days after a gap of several years. All the food and wine were consumed by the time we waved goodbye, hopefully not for another few years before her next visit. ‘How many normal people do you know?’ That is one of those late night questions that should be left unanswered until the effects of alcohol have worn off the next day. ‘Depends how you define normal,’ I said. ‘Why do you ask?’ ‘You seem to know only weird people.’ ‘How do you

Our reporter Teagan Short has followed up his in-depth interview with Sebastian Fuchs the new kid in Year 7 at the new The Fred Best...

This is my public declaration to the PM and the Secretary of State for Education. You are dabbling with schools again. This time I cannot...

A mass migration takes place around Britain this week and next. Up to 428,000 young people will leave home. Almost half a million new...

Thousands of pupils around England went to new places in their education today. Reception classes blended those who have been socialised...

William Ainsworth, three pints into his Friday night quota, announced to no one in particular that he was applying for an Irish passport....

A BBC commentator said the gold medals Team GB won at the Rio Olympics cost £4 million each. He forgot to take into account the cost of...

Every secondary school in the country wakes up on the third Thursday of August each year with a mixture of anxiety, hope and feigned...