Ted's Blogs

The content is written and produced by the author Ted Dunphy with assistance from his creative team of critics who deny any link with this material, next door's cat and much gazing out the window.
These are Ted's thoughts and opinions entwined with entirely fictional characters and comical situations.
There should be some fun in writing but writing fun is too serious to be taken lightly. Look out for what lies behind the fun.

Which God Would You Like?

How do religions attract paedophiles, extremists, bullies and holy warriors? At the same time, how can they foster mystics, the fervent, the pious and those who like to spend days in quiet reflection in benign surroundings? Each of these makes god in his or her own image and likeness, but the thugs and extremists grab the headlines. They construct intricate theologies to justify victimisation, harassment and murder. They stoke their self-righteousness, oblivious to the harm

Ted Dunphy

Sep 23 min read

Untitled

Ted Dunphy

Sep 20 min read

Your time to die?

Dillon Sinclair-Snodgrass caused a momentary spike of interest around the bar when he asked what would be a good age to die. He made the request more specific when he was told, ‘right now would be a good time for you’. ‘Not me,’ he said. ‘I was wondering what age would you would pick if you had to choose an age to die.’ As usual, any topic that did not involve killing animals, complaining about in-comers or settling payment for jobs done - in ways the taxman would never fa

A view on life

Ted Dunphy

Sep 22 min read

Resigned to a strange week

Squirty Tinkerscut woke up with a clanger of a hangover from a week-long celebration of Britain’s exit from the EU. He could not remember which side he had supported but, after a quick look at the person in the vomit-covered Batman costume sleeping next to him on the floor, decided it made no difference. Everyone was now in the same shit, no matter what they voted for. After a week of blaming everyone else for the Referendum result, the whole of England has reached the point

A view on life

Ted Dunphy

Sep 24 min read

The Darkest of Days

Someone sucked all the humour out of life. The lights were switched off. The doors were locked and barred. The windows were boarded up. Men stayed huddled near their own fire at home. The darkness of night rules the land. Paddy Cuminski said that was how he felt when he heard the news of Donny Trump winning the USA election. Peter Gatherstone said his cousin who lived somewhere in Ohio had written of his delight that he could now shoot people he did not like and be rewarded f

Ted Dunphy

Sep 23 min read

Barbican Station Epiphany

I was being lifted by the force of bodies onto a Tube train at Barbican station on the London Underground last Friday. It was rush hour....

Ted Dunphy

Feb 10, 20182 min read

Ten Habits of Writers on the Fringe of the Big Time

Now that you are about to be famous you need to build habits to carry you through to your days of glory. Align your strategies now before...

Ted Dunphy

Nov 20, 20172 min read

Ten New Ways to Promote Your Book

Your family, workmates and an elderly neighbour have bought your book. Next step? Maybe, pay an organisation to promote and sell for you?...

Ted Dunphy

Nov 18, 20173 min read

Five Pages Only Writers Read

Page 1. I stand in Waterstones and read the opening sentence and paragraph in their top ten best selling novels. How good are these best selling authors at grabbing me from the start? What can I learn from them? Sometimes not a lot. Other times I wistfully think ‘I wish I could come up with something as snappy as that.’ Someday I will compose a compendium of top performing first sentences as a result of my investigations. 2. I read the inside page that lists all the guff abo

Ted Dunphy

Nov 16, 20173 min read

What strikes five out of six new teachers at the half term break?

The first half term break is like an oasis. By sheer luck you did not bring home any marking. You have slept over eighteen hours on three...

Ted Dunphy

Oct 24, 20172 min read

What book?

Someone asked me ‘how is your book doing?’ Without thinking, I said, ‘which one?’ As soon as I said it, I realised how arrogant that...

Ted Dunphy

Oct 18, 20172 min read

Mental Health in Schools

Three pupils in every class in secondary schools in England suffer from diagnosable mental health problems. Last evening I attended the film premiere of 'SELFie where's the HARM?' featuring the dramatised stories of a number of young people, some of whom develop mental health problems. The glossy, honey-coloured exterior many of them present to the world was slowly pealed away. Underneath their brash public face we saw the raw loneliness, the hopeless self-denigration and the

Schools

Ted Dunphy

Oct 11, 20173 min read

Knowing Me, Knowing You: Mastering Names

In schools, newly qualified teachers fail to grasp that the mastery of names is critical to their well-being. You may have seen the chair of governors at interview. Forget her name. It is unlikely that you will meet her again. If you do, it will be in formal circumstances. You will be accompanied by your union rep and a lawyer who will tell you how to address her. Head teachers print their names on their office door. Find out if he prefers you to use his family name or want

Shawn Snodsbury, Self-appointed NQT Guru

Sep 29, 20172 min read