Astronauts vote Spexit
Astronauts on board the orbiting space station voted in a Referendum to cut themselves off from planet earth and set up alliances and trade deals with other left-over debris flying around the universe.
They are fed up with earth-bound controllers telling them what to do and laying down petty human rights laws which they cannot disobey when the laws irritate them.
Regaining sovereignty and managing their future are but two of the freedoms they are wresting back.
Their spokesperson, Ivanovich Cadfael Syd Ó Murchadha, said they might be forced to make minor sacrifices but only in the short term. They would eventually set up trade deals and conquer other space travellers to make their station great again just as it had been before the Yanks and the Chinese and now North Korea, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and Mali took over the universe.
In a few years, once they have established new trade deals for food, oxygen and laces for their space-walking shoes, “there will be no problems at all,” he said.
The astronauts said their long term success was guaranteed because they knew they would establish alliances with all the little green men from distant parts of the galaxy. When quizzed about the numbers of green men likely to set up deals, the spokesman (they are all blokes up there) told the questioner to "sod off with" his disruptive and aggressive questioning style.
The ‘Out astronauts’ say they are at occupancy capacity and will not allow free movement to their little station by more astronauts. Their spokesperson said, “We will soon be so short of space that we will not have a window each through which to film earth if astronauts we do not know personally invade our station”.
The weightless spacemen say they are fed up with the drain on their time imposed by their remote bureaucratic bosses. “We give them 350 hours of our time every week, with no say by us as to how that time is spent,” they complained. “Granted, they remit back a few hours for sleep and to use the loo but they tell us when to sleep and where to poo. We could put that time to better use if we controlled all of it and not just the few minutes they give us back.”
The whole world advised the space men that their move was not in anyone’s best interests. The astronauts said anyone who does not see the justice of their cause is a liar and all these experts opposing them are talking bullshit. They cite support from Bert Skidmarkski, an expert in making aeroplanes from folding A4 pieces of paper, as the only expert they need, and can find, to be on their side.
Controllers on earth said the orbiting space station was now only a blip on everyone's radar. They warned other space users to avoid this piece of debris cluttering up the universe.